Huney Says Online

*A Soulful Relationship*
by Reverend Ronald McFadden

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend.
If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married
couples.. and reflect on it.

An African proverb states, " Before you get married,
keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust,
desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low
self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool
yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really
important.

You decide to commit to someone, over time their
flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences
will become more obvious.

If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve,
you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother
you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs,
values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individuals
who have decided to share a life together.

Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other?
Do you bring out the best of each other? Do you compliment and compromise
with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring
to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or
her. You can't make someone love you or make someone
stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you
won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or
responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness
are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.

Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the
wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

What keeps a relationship strong?

Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks,
some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal,
shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice e message on
their voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests.

Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving
each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to
have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other
a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try
to control one another. Learn each other's family situation.
Respect his or her parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods.
Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities
are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal,
abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.

" Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher
than you think."

The grass withers, the flowers fades, but the word of God stands forever.
Isaiah 40:8

Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight.
Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary. The difference
between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the I.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.

" Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and health to the bones "
Proverbs 16:24